Title: What The Portrait Saw
"What the devil are you doing?" It was the voice that woke her up. Being of a grumpy nature, Mrs. Black opened her mouth to start ranting at the rude person but she quickly shut her mouth when she saw who spoke. Severus Snape, once someone she would have gladly replace Sirius, was standing in the doorway of her home, glaring at that damned werewolf. Apparently the werewolf hadn't taken her advice about swallowing a batch of silver, since he was still standing.
He was swaying back and forth much like Sirius had done when he'd had too many butterbeers, which was often when no one was around.
"What does it look like?" snarled Remus Lupin. He turned around and staggered toward the kitchen. Mrs. Black figured that's probably where he'd been to begin with.
"You are drunk," stated Snape unnecessarily. Both Mrs. Black and Lupin sent him a withering look. It was obvious that Lupin was drunk. He hiccuped once to prove it.
"Master of the obvious, aren't you, Severus?" sneered Lupin. It was a good imitation of Snape's own sneer if Mrs. Black did say so herself.
Snape slammed the door shut behind him, sent her a warning glare when she opened her mouth to shriek at him for it, and stalked toward the swaying werewolf. Mrs. Black contented herself with a disdainful sniff and averted her eyes. When she surreptitiously glanced back at the two of them, her mouth dropped open in shock.
They were kissing! Open-mouthed, heated kissing!
Mrs. Black felt the temperature in the room go up at least ten degrees. She was about to begin screaming in outrage at the top of her lungs when Lupin broke off the kiss and collapsed in Snape's arms. "He's gone," Lupin sobbed. "I can't do this anymore, Severus, he's gone!"
'And good riddance,' sniffed Mrs. Black. 'Better to have the family die than have it perpetuated by that waste of a son Sirius. He might have married a Mudblood, or worse! A Muggle like Andromeda!' She shuddered delicately, despite her lack of a delicate body in her portrait.
"You did it before," Snape was saying softly. "What's so different now?"
Lupin hiccuped on a sob and managed a weak shrug. "I don't know. Before I thought he was a traitor, a murderer. Now, I know he wasn't, that he was framed and convicted of something he didn't do. His whole life he's fought against his family and his heritage and it still doomed him. I -" Lupin hiccuped again.
Snape pulled him closer and Mrs. Black sneered at them. "That son of mine was a waste of the effort it took for me to push him out!" she imperiously informed them.
Lupin leapt at her, stumbling out of a startled Snape's arms. "One of these days, you selfish bitch, I'll show you exactly what a waste it wasn't for you to push him out! Sirius may not have been your perfect little Death Eater Regulus, but maybe it was because Sirius had a brain and used it! Maybe it was because he had a sense of honor! Maybe it was because he wasn't a narrow-minded sheep that bleated piteously whenever Mommy yelled for him to come home!"
Mrs. Black's mouth fell open again for the second time that evening. "How dare you speak to me like that, you disgusting wretched, blood filth, MONSTER!"
"Severus," Remus panted, glaring balefully at the portrait of the yellow-faced old woman, "next full moon, skip the damned potion and locked me in this foyer. I want to rip this portrait to shreds!" He ended the last sentence with a deafening shout.
"She's not worth it," Snape said quietly, pulled Remus back into his arms. He kissed Remus' face in several spots and nuzzled his left ear. "Trust me, I had two worse than her. They are never worth it."
Slowly the kissing caresses distracted Remus from further railing at her and Mrs. Black watched in morbid fascination as the two men proceeded to comfort each other in her foyer. She prayed that none of the Black family portraits in the stairwell could hear or see what was going on. She didn't think she could live down the horror of having a fallen Dark wizard making love to a werewolf right in front of her, in her own home!
She couldn't tear her eyes away, however. Severus Snape, who'd had such a lovely reputation for deviousness, cruel remarks and a cunning mind, was so gentle with that monster. And Remus Lupin, who she'd never seen lose control , was shuddering and sighing under the hands of his lover. Her mind briefly wondered what Sirius would have said or done if he'd seen this scandalous display. On this the two of them would have agreed, it was disgusting.
"Well, I never!" she announced to the world outloud.
"That's not true, Mrs. Black," breathed Remus just loud enough for her to hear, as Severus' hand drifted under his robes. "You had two children."
Snape chuckled deep in his throat. "Ah, but I doubt she's done it with two men. That takes more imagination than someone like she would have." Mrs. Black was stunned into silence at the temerity.
Again the two men concentrated on each other and she watched in horrified fascination. They murmured to each other, soft words that sometimes she could make out. Words of comfort or reassurance. Most of these came from Snape. Robes were shed and soon skin brushed skin.
She couldn't suppress a gasp when Snape's head lowered itself between Lupin's thighs. First he nipped the inner thigh, causing Lupin to jolt and wriggle slightly. Then she saw Snape's tongue drift lazily up the thighs to the cleft between them. Lupin shuddered and moaned softly. Before Mrs. Black could blink, Snape's mouth had wrapped itself around Lupin's organ and he was sucking gently.
Lupin arched, moaning Snape's name in whimpers as Snape continued to suckle Lupin. She watched as the werewolf's motions grew more frantic, as he came closer to release. When ecstasy came, the amber eyes of Remus Lupin snapped open and blindly stared at the ceiling as he shouted his satisfaction. The old nosy busybody couldn't bear to watch what Snape was doing so she continued to watch Lupin's face.
The brunette's features relaxed into a soft, contented smile and he reached down, pulling his lover up, sealing their mouths in a deep kiss that had Mrs. Black retching. How could they - in her foyer! Then to her further horror and distress, Lupin broke the kiss and smiled knowingly up at Snape, who remained stoically impassive as usual.
"My turn," Lupin murmured and neatly flipped them over.
"Is it?" asked Snape mildly but he didn't protest as Lupin nibbled his way down Snape's throat and across the collar bone. Snape's hands fumbled in someone's discarded robes and handed Lupin a tiny bottle. Mrs. Black couldn't help but wonder what it was for. She was about to find out, to her mortification.
"A new bottle?" chuckled Lupin, taking it from Snape's and pouring some on his hands. He reached down and rubbed his hands up and down his penis a moment and then reached between Snape's legs toward the back. Mrs. Black felt faint. They weren't...they just couldn't be...
Snape's black eyes widened a moment and his breath hitched. Another moment later Lupin adjusted himself and slid into Snape. Mrs. Black did retch this time. Neither man paid her any mind, if they'd registered her existence at all. In and out, slowly Lupin stroked. Both men moaned and their embrace grew tight. Lupin's hand disappeared between them and Snape's moans grew deeper in his throat. A quick flash of openness between their bodies showed Mrs. Black that Lupin was stroking Snape's organ with his hand.
Their rhythm was perfect, she had to admit. They'd apparently done this before, so in synch were they. The rhythm sped up and the hall was filled with groans, moans, grunts and gasps of pleasure and desire. The temperature had gone up another notch or two as well. Even she was starting to sweat.
Mrs. Black wasn't sure who came first, maybe they came together, but the shuddering on her floor was almost earthquake-like. The three of them shouted together. "REMUS!" "SEVERUS!" "I'M APPALLED!"
The two men collapsed on the carpet, holding each other tight. Lupin's shoulders shook a moment, as if either laughing or crying. "None of that," whispered Snape, brushing hair out Lupin's face tenderly.
"I'm not crying, Severus," gasped Lupin. He lifted his face to show a grin. "Though Sirius would be as appalled as his mother right now no doubt about it, he'd find it worth it just to see her mortified beyond belief to have watched us make love." Snape said nothing and merely smiled an odd contented smile.
"Well, I suppose with a mouth like hers, the dragon's out of the egg," Snape sighed, placing his head on Lupin's shoulder as Lupin rolled onto his back and taking Snape with him. Mrs. Black was horrified to see they were still joined. Lupin managed a giggle. "The Order members will be horrified at your taste in lovers, you know."
"As if I'd tell anyone of the disgusting things that have gone on this evening!" huffed Mrs. Black in horror. "The shame! The disgrace!"
Both men grinned up at her. "Well, then our secret's safe with you then. Shall we try again next week, Severus?" Lupin asked jokingly. "We seem to have a guard dog."
For some reason Lupin found that immensely funny, though Snape scowled. "I will not be making out in front of that hag every time I want you, Remus. Bad enough we're doing it here to begin with."
"I know." Remus contained his laughter and kissed Snape on the mouth briefly. "Thank you, my love."
Snape kissed him back. "You saved me. I saved you. We're even. And next time, I'm on top."
"Deal." They went back to kissing.
Mrs. Black gagged.