CHARACTERS/ PAIRINGS: Snape/Bellatrix, Snape/Voldemort, Snape/Remus
DISCLAIMER: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
WARNINGS: Contains mention of Chan, Non-Con. SLASH
SUMMARY: Written for the Master and Wolf FQF Challenge 109) Due to past experiences, one is convinced sex is not something he can ever enjoy or want to do.
AUTHOR’S NOTES: Not really a pairing I like (Remus belongs with Sirius) – but here we go. SPOILERS FOR OOTP. By the way: Sirius is not dead. Veil does not mean dead. He is merely indisposed and will be back for his wolf shortly.
ARCHIVING: Master and Wolf only at present.
He remembered. The man lifted the glass to his lips and drank deeply, seeking to drown the memories. The pain. The humiliation.
It had started when he was thirteen, and had continued until he was twenty-one.
And now it had started again when he was thirty-four.
He shifted uneasily, the pain still there, the humiliation still sharp, despite the several glasses of firewhisky he had consumed. His head slumped to folded arms on the table before him and tears started to flow.
Time passed, and the tears ended. The man stood and made his way stiffly to the bathroom, to the welcome hot bath where he could scrub away the evidence; scrub away the hate.
And leave the memories that nothing could dull.
He remembered. He remembered what it was to be loved, to love. All he could feel now was numbness and a longing for what was not.
He remembered the memories, good and bad. But most of all he remembered the loving.
It had started when he was thirteen, been consummated when he was seventeen, and finished when he was twenty-one.
And then, out of the blue, it had started again when he was thirty-three.
But then, when he was thirty-five it finished again.
The man withdrew further into himself, seeking solace in his memories.
The meeting of the Order was not going well. Severus Snape was being even more irritating than normal, and Remus Lupin just sat in his own world, the only time his eyes showed any interest was when mention was made of Bellatrix Lestrange.
Then they glowed with a feral light, reminding everybody else just what Remus Lupin was. And what he had lost to Bellatrix Lestrange.
Kingsley Shacklebolt felt a great deal of compassion for his friend, Remus. He knew that the werewolf had lost more than just a lover, more than just a friend, and he kept a quiet eye on the other man. Remus rode the edge of the blade these days, often dipping sharply towards the side of madness.
And Kingsley knew that they could not afford to loose the brilliant wizard to madness. He was one of the few people who knew just how powerful Remus was – and always regretted the stupid laws that had forbidden the werewolf to enter Auror training.
He always felt a hitch in his stomach when he thought of Remus as an Auror – regretting that it was not so, and yet dreading just what Remus was capable of.
All that power, all that passion, so tightly contained.
He looked again at Snape, arguing a point with Moody. The spy’s face seemed more strained than usual, and he moved stiffly – very stiffly. But it was his face that shocked Kingsley. The lines seemed deeply etched, unusual in a man whose face rarely showed any markings at all, let alone any signs of age or stress.
But today, he looked his age and more.
Severus Snape was one of the bravest people the Auror had come across, and it seemed like whatever he had to do it made him suffer immensely.
As usual, Snape was not asking for comfort or sympathy. He was shouting about the idiocy of the Order and their lack of action. Even his voice sounded strained.
Remus Lupin was not, obviously, the only one at breaking point.
The summons, when it came, was unexpected, however Snape knew it was not possible to disobey it.
Reluctantly he stood and left his rooms, moving swiftly towards the edge of the grounds of Hogwarts.
Once outside the wards, he took a deep breath and apparated.
The room he appeared in was dark, opulent and sinister. The furnishings were surprisingly plush, but the occupants were the embodiment of pure evil.
The woman was once handsome, as had been the man. Both of them now a parody of their former selves.
Their minds, however, had not changed. Nor had their appetites.
“Ahh, Severus,” purred the man, “So eager.”
Snape went down on one knee. “Lord.” He emptied his mind, and tried to withdraw into the safety of his inner shell. He knew what was in store for him.
“Severus,” said the woman, coming close and trailing a hand around his throat, caressing yet cruel. “Our Lord requires your services. As do I.”
He looked up at her, careful not to let the loathing he felt for both show in his eyes. He felt her hand caress him, move down his chest, lower, the breath of both Voldemort and Bellatrix coming harsher now, panting with lust.
Damn. His hands were shaking. Nevertheless, he slowly began to undress, knowing that that slower he was, the shorter this particular form of torture would be, knowing that he had to bring their lust to the point where they could not hold themselves back.
He had learned this when he was fourteen, after a year of rape and humiliation.
It had been a lesson he had never forgotten.
Slowly, slowly, he removed his clothing, his skin pale in the subtle light of the room. He registered that his two torturers were now naked, and inwardly he recoiled from their wasted forms. He watched dispassionately as Bellatrix lay down on a bed, spreading her legs wide.
Finally he was naked and moved slowly towards the bed and the naked woman lying there.
“I want your mouth and tongue, Severus,” she rasped. “Taste me, little boy.”
Her words took him back to the first time she had ever uttered them; to a thirteen-year-old boy who had been ordered to “fag” for the new prefect. To his horror when he realised what she intended, his humiliation when he realised that it was not just her he was to “serve”.
Slowly he bent over the end rail of the bed, knowing what the other occupant of the room wanted. His mouth moved towards the woman on the bed and he screamed his pain as he felt the hard cock enter him.
His pain, his horror only serving to inflame the other two even more. He couldn’t help himself, and felt tears start in his eyes.
It seemed to go on for hours, and he tried to forget how he had been used. Wracked with pain, he collapsed in a huddle on the floor when the two were finally satiated.
Bellatrix prodded at him with her toe, and, gathering his clothes, dropped them onto his body. She then raised her wand and cast a spell, causing the naked, bleeding man to disappear.
For Remus Lupin, enjoying the solitude of an early morning walk, the sudden appearance of Severus Snape was not something good.
When he looked closer, however, he realised that here was a man who needed his help.
It wasn’t that Snape was naked, it was the blood covering his body, and the tear stains on his face that decided the matter.
He lifted the unconscious man in his arms and moved swiftly towards the entrance of the castle, and then to the infirmary for treatment.
After leaving the unconscious Potions Master in the capable hands of Poppy Pomfrey, he joined the Headmaster in his office.
“He’s very badly injured, Albus.”
“I know. Poppy will be able to heal the physical injuries, but…”
“He’s been scarred mentally as long as I’ve known him.”
“Severus was a very lonely boy, Remus. And is a very lonely man.”
“I know what it is like to be lonely.”
“You, my boy, also know what it is like to be loved all-consumingly. Severus never has. He has never had anybody to love him as you and Sirius loved each other.”
“Why do you let him keep doing this? Obviously this is not the first time he’s been injured like that.”
Dumbledore sighed. “One of my failures in the first years of my headship was to not immediately overturn some house customs. Severus was a victim of one that has now been abolished. Equally unfortunately, the same custom still has a hold on him, and the information he brings us back is too useful for me to stop him.”
“But rape – I’m sorry, Albus, but that goes way beyond the call of duty.”
“And what is his alternative, Remus? If he refused then Voldemort would know that something was up. Unfortunately, what began when he was a teenager cannot now be undone without revealing Severus clandestine activities.”
Remus shook his head. “It’s wrong. Plain wrong.”
“Then perhaps you can do something about it.”
“Remus, I’ve noticed. You are getting more and more wound up with frustration. I know that you have a very active libido – I don’t want to know what you did whilst Sirius was in Azkaban, but it was certainly more healthy for you than what you are doing now.”
“I’m not doing anything . And I’m certainly not going to do anything to Severus. For one thing, he’s not my type, and for the second I happen to believe that Sirius is not dead. I’m certainly not going to be unfaithful to my mate.”
“Severus needs this, Remus. He needs to know that sex can be good. I can think of other people I’d ask, but frankly, you would be the best for him. You have a good and loving heart and would never willingly harm anybody.”
“Don’t bet on it.”
“Remus, I need you to do this. It will help to heal Severus, and yourself.”
“I don’t want healing.”
“You may not want it, but you need it.”
“I don’t want to order you, Remus, but…”
“Albus! You can’t order me to seduce Severus!”
“If necessary, I can and I will.”
“And I would disobey. Severus does not need a lover, he needs a friend.”
“Then that is your starting point. As a friend, you can at least tell him of ways to minimise the damage. Be there and try to get him to talk. And if the chance comes for you to seduce him, and he goes willingly, so much the better.”
“No! I don’t use people like that.”
Dumbledore looked Lupin straight in the eye, a direct and candid gaze that had the younger man squirming in his seat. “You don’t?”
Lupin blushed. “Not friends. I will admit freely to having had quite a number of one night stands – but that is different to what you are asking me. You are asking me to befriend somebody – somebody, by the way, who hates me to start with, and then use them to decrease my own sexual frustrations. No.”
“Remus, I am asking you to befriend Severus – who does not hate you, actually, and who may be more willing for your friendship than you would ever know – and as a friend show him how to stop being physically hurt by what those fiends do (well, as little physically as possible) and to teach him that sex can be good.” The Headmaster sighed. “As far as Severus is concerned, sex is violence and pain. He has no idea, no concept, that it is really about loving.”
Remus Lupin stood and paced the Office. He knew Dumbledore was right, he could feel the sheer sexual need building in him, and knew that it was only a matter of time before he reached breaking point. The wolf was hungry and missed its mate physically and mentally and did not understand why Padfoot was no longer there.
He thought carefully over what Dumbledore had said and shuddered. Imagine never knowing the softness of a lover, never knowing shared passion and release. Never know the joy of waking up to soft kisses and caresses.
To believe that sex was only for making use of.
No wonder Severus Snape was a bastard; he had missed out on the one thing that most people agreed on: sex was good.
Unconsciously, Remus decided then and there to change that. Consciously, however, he knew that he could not , in good faith, let the other man suffer the constant physical torture. Not when he could help him there.
His decision made, he turned back to Dumbledore. “Very well, Headmaster. I will go ahead with this insane scheme of yours. I won’t make promises, though. I am not attracted to Severus and the thought of having sex with him is enough to turn my stomach. I will, however, be his friend. Whether he likes it or not.”
“What are you up to , Lupin?”
“I don’t understand, Severus. I’m not up to anything.”
Snape scowled. “This is the fourth time in the last two weeks that you have sought out my company and distracted me from my work. I appreciate the instruction you gave me the first time, but frankly I am baffled.”
Remus sighed. He knew this was going to be hard. “Severus, you have been through hell. I just want you to know that you do have a friend.”
“You?” Snape was incredulous. “I don’t even like you. And you don’t like me. So why this sudden need for my company.”
“What makes you think I don’t like you?” Remus was desperate. He had to find out if Snape liked men – and he prayed that the other man was heterosexual. That would let him off the hook completely.
“Do you want me to list them? Suffice it to say that you and your canine companion have made it clear enough.”
Remus breath caught. “We’re both alone, Severus. I thought that we might just put our differences aside and..”
“You are hardly alone, Lupin. You have Potter and that immensely long Weasly family.”
“But I’ve lost the one person that I needed most – and you have never had anybody like that. We are alone.”
“Speak for yourself. It is common knowledge that you and Black had rather less control than the animals you are. I, however, do not see what everybody sees in sex.” His face flickered as an emotion passed over it.
“Severus, from what I’ve been told, you’ve never made love.”
Snape rose and poured himself a glass of firewhiskey, downing it in one swallow. “You know that’s not true.”
“I said “made love” – not sex. You’ve been raped since you were a boy, but you’ve never made love. There is a difference.”
“Spare me the romantic platitudes.”
Remus took a deep breath and rose, moving close to the other man, allowing his hand to caress the rigid back and shoulders.
“There is a difference, Severus,” he breathed into the other man’s ear.
Snape pulled away, a look of disgust on his face. “Get away from me, Lupin. You and Black may have been happy poofters shacking up together, but I don’t share your preferences.”
Remus sat down again, a genuine smile on his face. “Severus, you have no idea how glad I am you’ve just said that.” He paused, concern this time showing. “I do, however, think that you need to get some things straight in your mind.”
“The difference between sex and making love. You’ve let what has happened twist your thinking that you have no idea of the pleasure of love. To you, it’s pain and torture. Making love is more than that.”
“Think what you want, Lupin. I don’t happen to share your views. Leave me alone.”
“Bloody get out Werewolf! Don’t come here again.” The empty glass shattered at Remus feet and he jumped backwards.
Reluctantly, Remus left the room, noticing as he did so that Severus was clutching his arm.
The door slammed behind him and he headed back to his rooms, face set, and heart lonely.
He opened the door to his rooms and stopped – staring in disbelief at the occupant.
“Hello Love,” said Sirius Black.
It had been no different and no worse than the other times. Sometimes he wondered what it would have been like if he had agreed to Remus suggestion.
He sat in his rooms and drank more firewhisky. If he drank enough, he might be able to forget that Lupin and Black were currently somewhere fucking themselves stupid.
And if he drank enough, he might stop wondering what the difference between sex and making love was.