Title: Traces of Faith
Summary: Written for the Master and Wolf FQF. Remus has lost everyone he'd ever tried to love. How many more could he lose? One.
Credits: Written for the Master and Wolf FQF (http://groups.yahoo.com/group/masterandwolf)
Feedback: Please let me know what you thought.
It's like a crypt in here, Remus thought of the hospital room, where he sat at the foot of a patient's bed. A pale kind of crypt... for a person not quite dead yet, but may as well be.
He bowed his head low, and cried, the low sound almost a howl. He couldn't help it, as tears flowed down his face, each shimmering drop a person he had lost in his short life. There were so many of them to remember losing. It was too many losses to think of. He was poison, he killed everyone as soon as he began to feel affection towards them. He was the lonely werewolf, the one who should have been saved from a little more life pain then most, yet it every pain a normal man felt, was dealt threefold onto him. Death especially loved to follow Remus Lupin. Thirteen innocent years old, he'd lost his father. Then, after he had graduated from school, his mother. Finally James, Lily and Peter had died to him, one way or the other. He'd spent years thinking the only one of them who really loved him caused it. It wasn't true... he was still the one Remus had devoted his whole life to. Finally, he thought he could be saved. He had Sirius back to heal every small or large wound. Then Sirius ... who had been taken by the cruelest hand of fate died in seconds. How many more people, loves, could he lose?
One, his mind answered him, looking at the bed, and the lump in the sheets that indicated a person, barely alive. He sighed, his chest hurting with the hard breath. He could lose, but one more... then his existence would shatter. Each one of the dead, had comforted him over the next loss. Who would comfort the werewolf, when this one was gone?
When his father had died, he'd spent hours with his mother, who told him stories of his infancy. She had always been an amazing woman, never caring once that her son was a werewolf. To her he was merely a hurt child. She pushed her own tears of grief aside, to comfort her poor helpless thirteen year old boy.
“Remus, baby,” she had said to her beloved son, sighing softly, and wiping the tears away from his face. “Your father is just fine, you know that. People you love can't leave you forever. Remember that. True love can never leave you.”
“Dad is gone,” the grim thirteen year old had said in a soft voice. “I think that describes leaving.” The boy had not liked it, when his mother then closed her eyes and sobbed. He'd hurt her a bit, he knew that much, but then he rushed to comfort her. He needed her to survive this. Thanks to her, he had survived. The bold woman had survived, and struggled but ended up raising her son, a hated creature for years alone. She had always had a motto, which she had passed down to her son. “If you have faith, things shall work out.”
Remus cringed remembering the saying he'd kept with so faithfully, most of his life. Faith hadn't saved his mother, from getting sick, and it wouldn't save him. Awhile after that she got sicker and sicker. Most of the healers at the hospitals told Remus that she was going to die. He never lost faith in her though, because of all the faith he had because of her. Though over and over he was told her disease was terminal, she would tell him different.
“Remus, have a little faith in our power. If I do die, that is fine, but I am going to have faith in myself.”
He sure had kept faith, until his second to last day at school, when he was taken into the Headmaster's office, and told grimly that his mother had died in the night. He had run out of that office screaming like a maniac. He ran far, until he met Sirius and collapsed in his lover's arms.
“Remus,” Sirius said, putting his arms carefully around the shaking boy. “Remus, what is it?”
He had been unable to answer, but Sirius had noted the trembling of his body, and the look in his eyes and answered his own question. “It's your mother, I'm guessing.”
Remus nodded viciously, still trembling. “She- she... Sirius she died last night. I couldn't even be there for her.”
Sirius had held his terrified lover and best friend, ignoring all of the staring eyes. They had knelt down, to the floor, and Sirius had stopped the tremors running through Remus's body. “Shh ... Remus it's going to be just fine. I promise you that it will be.”
“No,” Remus had spat viciously. “Never.”
He had missed his graduation, but he did not go home. He stayed locked inside of a closet in their dormitory. He'd passed out several times from lack of oxygen, and his own panic. He was found by Sirius later on, and taken home.
“Come on Remus,” Sirius had said, his very dark eyes alight with sadness and compassion. “It's time to go.”
Sirius handed him a slip of paper. “What-” Remus began.
“Dumbledore gave this to me for you,” Sirius said in a whisper. “You've graduated at the top of our class Remus.”
Remus still remembered the feeling of Sirius's warm arms around him. He was so cold and afraid, but Sirius had been his survival. He'd had friends forever, but Sirius was more than a friend, or even any kind of lover. Sirius was everything to Remus, and would be for a long time.
He remained a stable, healthy person for a good three years after that. He turned from an insecure child, to a brave adult. With his friends by his side, he fought the darkness that approached the world. Then the darkness hit him strongly. It started with Sirius getting colder and colder.
“Why are you doing this?” Remus had asked him once, every ounce of his heart into the words he spoke.
“Doing what Remus?” Sirius said cooly, a blank tone being all Remus could get. Remus battled then, with an urge to hurt Sirius, for becoming so cold.
“You know very well what, Sirius!” Remus had stated, fighting the tears in his eyes, and replacing them with raw anger. “Why are you treating me like this? I thought you loved me!”
“You know I do... Remus, what's happening to you?” Sirius's reply was blank. Remus made himself turn away, angrily and the next time they spoke, Sirius was behind bars.
Remus now knew that if it weren't for his anger then, he might have better convinced Sirius that he was not a traitor. Yet, when James and Lily had died... there was only one way they did in Remus's mind. Then Sirius had been convicted of Peter's murder. “Three dead and one gone,” Remus thought of his old conception of fate. He thought James, Lily and Peter was dead... and all of that was the doing of his lover. He'd practically died. He really had died then, if you didn't call death a finality. He'd come back, but he'd been dead until he'd come to Harry Potter's school, as an earnest teacher.
He had lost them all, but found a tidbit of hope inside the bright minds of young children. Helping them comforted him from the biggest loss of all. Then Sirius had come back to him, in an amazing and shocking reunion. The man he'd thought was lost forever was returned. Several weeks after leaving Hogwarts for good, he spoke again, the most private conversation ever with Sirius.
“I knew I'd see you again,” Sirius had said, a deep broken kind of tone to his voice. Remus's immediate reaction was to see what was wrong. Sirius was hurt, as hurt as he had been the night he'd run from his family.
“What's wrong Sirius?” Remus had asked, his voice growing heavy in his throat.
“You're beautiful Remus,” Sirius said ignoring the question. He took one of his lean and long arms, and ran a hand over Remus's face. “You're also real this time.”
Remus had shuddered to think that Sirius had seen hallucinations of him. He'd waited patiently for Sirius to kiss him. He would never, ever in his life forget that kiss. It started out soft, and calm, but then it was every furious and passionate thought either broken man had ever had. It was rough and hard, and left Remus gasping for breath afterward. “You're still so good Remus,” Sirius said softly, then added, trying to withdraw tears that already flowed from him. “Moony, how could you forgive me for all I've done?”
“Sirius, you haven't done a thing wrong.”
“I've betrayed you deeper than I can imagine. I deserve to die as much as that rat does,” his voice was sharp and harsh.
“Sirius I love you, and have lost too much to lose you to this insanity.”
After that it had been short, sweet encounters between the two. Nothing had lasted long, all of Sirius's brief times at his home had been so short, short enough to drive him to madness.
Then Sirius had moved in with him. A whole summer together, inside of Remus's house. It had been more healing then any of those potions they'd force fed him throughout his grieving periods.
“Sirius, I love you...” Remus had groaned during one of the last of their passion filled nights.
“I want you so badly, to just be mine forever,” Sirius replied quietly.
Forever, Remus thought bitterly, was only another word for months hiding a relationship and then dying so quickly that it had been amazing. Sirius was dead now, gone and taken. No amount of faith could bring him back, but a little tough love brought Remus back from the land of the dead he was nearing.
“If you were as smart as I thought you were, then you'd get over it now. There are people who need you.”
So what if they weren't the kind message of faith his mother had once given. He had no more faith, so he didn't need those kindly thoughts. He needed to be smacked upside the head for ignoring his duties and Severus Snape had done just that, at least mentally speaking.
They had all tried. Molly Weasley, who cared nothing for Sirius and doubtfully grieved over his death, came into Remus's room every single night pretending she was his mother. She'd hold onto him, telling him it would be okay. Sirius's own blood Tonks couldn't heal his pain, as much as she told him that her dear mother wanted to talk to him. He wouldn't listen, even as she brought the elderly Andromeda into the room. Remus ignored every healing word.
Then he was healed, by the one that simply stared as the others talked of “poor Remus” and “the heartache he must be going through.” The one that only commented to say, “Hasn't it been three months?” or “That man just needs to stop. We need him too much for this childish whining.”
Everyone had looked to Severus Snape, thinking about how a man could be so heartless. Yet, now Remus knew that his lack of emotions was his best quality. He never hurt, unless he wanted to. Death didn't touch him, neither did life. He did not offer Remus false comfort, because he wisely knew that it was useless. He did not build on a care that did not exist. He did not care that Remus hurt.
He'd been forced downstairs several times that week, to eat, and converse with others. They carefully remained off the topic of death, or war. Remus hated them for doing it. Why they did, he'd never know, because he ruined every minute, making them suffer further then they did. They'd all flock around him, being sympathetic, then Snape would say, “There is work to be done,” and they'd stop. To Remus, he was the most comforting there.
The last night of the week, when he sat amongst them, but very alone, they'd been hounding him constantly. They worried that he wasn't eating, sleeping or talking much. They tried to push him to share his feelings even. “Enough of this!” Snape had said, his eyes flaring with an emotion that Remus had never seen. This even forced him to look over, and stare. “Enough,” Snape continued. “Why do you waste your time? He does not want to respond to your attempts at assistance, and your signs of friendship. He wants to be a coward. Yes, you heard me right, a coward for moaning over the loss, instead of doing good. Listen Lupin, I have only one thing to say to you. If you were as smart as I thought you were, then you'd get over it now. There are people who need you.”
Every head had turned to look at Remus, waiting for a reaction to Snape's terrible outburst. “Thank you,” Remus said softly, and then stood up to walk out of the room. Nobody understood why he'd thanked Snape, he himself hadn't understood at the time. Yet, the truth would later be revealed to the lone werewolf, that Snape had been right to do this.
The next couple weeks were spent the same way, sad and alone. Remus thought that his heart would never heal from the pain losing Sirius had brought him. It was not everyone who loved someone, lost them, found them, then lost them again forever. He was hurting so badly, it felt as though a knife had been stabbed through him, taking with it his will to live. He just felt that nothing could heal.
Several times that week, he'd heard Snape pass his room, the room Sirius had once hid out in saying things under his breath like, “The world is a very dark place, a place in which you are needed.”
“Coward, keep hiding in his life's shadow.”
“I don't know how you are honoring that man's death by sitting here.”
“You, my dear friend, are a fool. Die already won't you, because it is what you want.”
“Three muggles died yesterday, they were relatives to a known wizard family. Maybe if we'd had you, those children would have lived.”
Ominous, dark, and cruel messages came in the form of Snape walking by his door for weeks. They agonized him, pain beyond anything. Each comment he made, only hurled Remus further into darkness, but then Remus then did not see that the man's goal was not to lead him away from the grave he'd dug himself, but to push him so far into the ground that he erupted through the other side.
Weeks later, Remus had woken from the dead sleep he'd been in. It was Snape's rude comments that brought him to life. He walked out into the room, like a reborn child. Several people bustled around the room, which looked frantic. “What's going on?” he asked firmly.
“Oh, Remus!” Molly Weasley had said, her words echoed by many. “There's been an emergency. There was some spy work going on, dear, and it looks like there has been trouble.”
Suddenly, Tonks came running into the room. “Everyone,” she said quickly. “I've just been down to the Ministry offices, to see what was known about this. They've gotten to Snape.”
Then the room went dark, and suddenly quiet in atmosphere. Remus broke the silence, his heart pounding, and feeling weak. “Don't stand there,” he said his chest hurting from the constant beats. “Come on people, this is a full on rescue mission. We have to be prepared for things of this manner.”
His words were so shocking, some of them looked like he'd struck them down. Remus looked at them, “Well, hurry! We all know how to deal with this situation, we've talked it over. We need to figure where he's been taken.”
“He's right,” Tonks said. “From what I've heard, some armed men ganged up on him, and took him away. The fools running this world cannot find him, and probably wont knowing them. Yet, we can.”
They'd gone. For the first time in more than three months, Remus Lupin had been strong and powerful. The weakness of grief did not overtake him, and he went into this battle like a commander. Most of the Order regarded him as a commander too, for fear of pulling him back into the depression. He rose above them, their fearless leader within days. He only vaguely thought of how proud Sirius would have been, as Sirius always pressured him to stand up for himself as a child. They'd located a square area, where deaths and violence both occurred constantly. Kingsley informed them all, that the Ministry would not even tread in the land called by most, “Dead Land.” It was likely where Snape would be.
Heading towards that place, a plan in mind, Remus realized only vaguely, that Snape had snapped him back to normal. The man had used a kind of reverse psychology to save him. Remus almost expected Snape to jump out from behind something, and declare that his disappearance was another tactic to save Remus. The man had been his salvation. The sad remnants of his life were now strong again. He was whole, and now he was needed.
“That didn't last long, now did it,” Remus said to the lump like figure in the bed. “I was needed to save you, and look how it turned out! You're just going to die too. You all die.”
The figure made a slight sound, but Remus knew it wasn't a response. Too many times he'd jumped hoping for a response. The man that lie here, in a coma, had been like this for months and was not going to return. No faith could convince Remus that.
They had found the dead land, and in turn found hundreds of armed death eaters. The scared Order of the Phoenix didn't look like it stood a chance against it's gastly apponent. “I'll take behind, get them in front!” Remus yelled, feeling his hardly used voice come back to him.
They had cornered these death eaters, and Remus had taken out a great deal of them with his own stunners. He'd been shocked to see some living, with the violence in him. He was terrifyingly angry.
“Listen,” Remus said grabbing a man from behind. His voice had been low and deadly, a near growl. The rest, weary from the fighting, looked to him. “You will take us to Voldemort, or I shall kill you. Don't give me that look like I won't... I've been through enough Hell, to where killing you wouldn't make much of a difference.”
“Fine...” the coward said, and stood, Remus still having both arms on the man. He steered them right to his leader. A cowardly fool he was, not even braving a little fire for his Lord.
There was Voldemort. Personally, Remus had never seen the Dark Lord face to face, only glimpsed of him, where most in the first Order had seen. Remus was afraid, but he doubted even the wrath of the most evil wizard of all time could match his determination. “Oh, it's Dumbledore's own little army,” cackled Voldemort, looking at the men and women before him. “Wanted this I suppose.” With a wave of his wand, Snape was revelaed to them. He looked unhuman in Remus's mind. A bloody mangled man. Remus had lunged at Voldemort for this.
There was no way he would have won. No man with a normal wizard's powers could defeat Voldemort, but Remus was strong enough to hold him off while the Order saved Snape. “You're strong werewolf,” Voldemort said his eyes alight. “Lost a lot in life haven't you? Yes, Wormtail has told me some interesting stories... a good werewolf... I highly doubt that.”
Remus had succesfully ignored the mental torture, and fought boldly, until a stunner knocked him down to the floor. He probably would have died, victim to the killing curse, if Dumbledore had not entered, having finally been alerted. While Dumbledore and Voldemort had battled their second in the last months, Remus was pulled out by the Order.
Dumbledore later would return saying that he'd almost died, and Voldemort was more powerful. He supposed the propechy was true, and no man except for Harry could defear Voldemort.
“I didn't care too much, did I?” Remus said to the bed. “Victim of severe magical torture they called you. My hero, the one that saved me from the eternal darkness I'd fallen to. You were in a coma. That was months ago... where are you?”
“Remus Lupin,” a nurse said from behind him. He recognized her so well, as every hospital staff member. A young girl by the name of Rebecca. “You stayin' the night here again?”
“Yes, Rebecca...” he said in a hollow voice.
“He aint pullin' through hun,” she said softly, in almost a whisper. He didn't know whether it was intended for his ears or not, but he'd heard. He agreed with her.
He took the charts from the foot of Snape's bed. “Severus Snape,” he recited aloud. “Victim of severe magical torture. Magical coma state since September third.”
He looked down at the helpless body. “Well, thank you for helping me survive this. Now I'm going to die anyway.”
Title: Losing Faith
Chapter Two: Only Hope
Summary: Remus makes some romantic confessions to Snape. Severus battles personified death.
“Why did you save me?” Remus asked the body, allowing every bitter thing he'd ever felt to shine through. He yelled, alarming a few, but most did not dare enter. They knew what he was more or less. “What made you do it? I know you said those things to save me!”
“Why save a man you despise?” Remus asked, tearfully. “You did hate me. Which I suppose is fine, due to the way James treated you. He wasn't the smartest, none of us were. Yet, he did it for me, you know that don't you? He and Sirius defended me, almost like older brothers. Everyone teased me, for living in that shack with my mother. We had such little money, and you were so cruel. James and Sirius protected me, but I never disliked you.”
Another indistinct cry made Remus shiver. He wished the sky would just open up and kill them both, before he went insane from this babbling. “Never disliked you at all. In fact, the way you teased me drove me wild and not in a bad way. I had almost as many feelings for you as I did on Sirius. It's not so hard to believe is it? Every young boy raised to be the “good boy” always ends up desiring the “bad boy.” It's a classic isn't it? Came back to Hogwarts, thinking there was absolutely no feelings left for you. Bad boy, good boy crushes die with childhood, or so I thought. I was still crazed about you. Yet, I had to protect the kids, you know that. I was the good, loved teacher. Plus, my thoughts about Sirius being free, that was something else. I mean- they were so mixed up.”
Then Remus stood, slamming his hand down on the side table. “Why am I saying these things? As if you care, you're nearly dead anyway. Well thank you for nothing.”
Alone and cold. That was all he could feel, the loneliness and the rawness inside of his soul. He was unsure of his location, but he knew he hadn't been in this dark void long. It was blackness that made him want to scream. All he remembered was pain, and then this void. For all he knew, he was dead and this was truly what was beyond.
Men had run studies on death, using advanced potions to give test subjects the feeling of death, but he figured they could be wrong. Death could be like this, an endless dark. The idea of eternity here, it killed him inside. Even if he remembered who he was on the outside. He really couldn't remember much beyond this veil over his eyes. He was human, that much he remembered. He remembered pain too, hot and burning. A voice, deep and grim telling him to obey. He'd ignored every call of this voice, and had received the agony as a punishment. It was what had thrown him into this world, this realm of forever. He'd died, from what he could figure himself. Random thoughts and memories threw into his brain, but nothing solid. He knew he should have something more solid, not this drainage that leaked through his mind, or what was left of a mind.
Sometimes, as he wandered through the corridors of this dungeon, things like bolts of fire would fling at him. They were thoughts, he told himself, very strong and meaningful thoughts. Someone was speaking to him, but he could scarcely hear anything. “What do you want from me!” he screamed, the agony of being in this world alone tearing him to pieces. “Who are you to fling this terrible ideas at me?”
Then he was hit with something solid, and real.
“Why did you save me?” the faded voice asked, the apparent agony flowing through, knocking this wandering man to his feet.
His thoughts were painful as he screamed at the voice. “Help me! Save you? I need help.” He felt nothing now, except for the strong emotions of the paled voice. It was weak, and he needed it's bearer to speak again. He didn't recognize the voice, but something so vaguely familiar crept into him.
“What made you do it? I know you said those things to save me!”
“What are you talking about?” he yelled trying to get a response. “Are you talking to me? Who are you?” He begged, cried and screamed, but the voice would not let up, or tell it's identity. It was stronger now though, angry, roaring.
His mind spoke swiftly, like it was brightened slightly, recognizing of the voice that spoke. Remus? How did he hear the name so suddenly. He knew that this name belonged to the crying voice. He now could hear tears, as they slipped from the man. Why would this man cry? He tried to remember what was said. Why did you save me? He didn't remember saving anyone, especially this one who kept speaking. Maybe he was dead, maybe he'd died saving someone? Maybe the pain came from this. “Remus!” he asked screaming. “Who are you to me, and what did I do for you?”
“Why save a man you despise? You did hate me. Which I suppose is fine, due to the way James treated you. He wasn't the smartest, none of us were. Yet, he did it for me, you know that don't you? He and Sirius defended me, almost like older brothers. Everyone teased me, for living in that shack with my mother. We had such little money, and you were so cruel. James and Sirius protected me, but I never disliked you.”
This blast of information shocked him. James, Sirius, none of the names registered. Yet the memories did in a small picture that formed in his mind. A boy he'd teased long ago. He was indeed cruel! He'd hurt this young child. He remembered the boy shivering slightly, as his three best friends stood around him protectively. “Leave him alone!” said a tall dark haired boy, staring at him in this memory. “Of all people to hurt, Snape, you've got to hurt Remus, who is the best friend any of us could be lucky enough to have.” So he'd hurt Remus, hated him even. Then why had he saved this haunting boy, with the bright amber eyes? This boy that shook, embarrassed and bullied, was talking to him now. I am older now, he thought, no longer a teenager. He realized that this Remus must be too. They might have grown.
After all he did why would Remus still forgive him? The memories showed him to be cruel to Remus, making the boy hurt badly. He could now see the agony in his dreamy eyes. He knew this man that shimmered in his mind like a wave of pain.
“ Never disliked you at all. In fact, the way you teased me drove me wild and not in a bad way. I had almost as many feelings for you as I did on Sirius. It's not so hard to believe is it? Every young boy raised to be the “good boy” always ends up desiring the “bad boy.” It's a classic isn't it? So I came back to Hogwarts, thinking there was absolutely no feelings left for you. Bad boy, good boy crushes die with childhood, or so I thought. I was still crazed about you. Yet, I had to protect the kids, you know that. I was the good, loved teacher. Plus, my thoughts about Sirius being free, that was something else. I mean- they were so mixed up.”
These next words from the mild man, knocked him down like an ocean wave. Strong emotions, mixed with the shy fear of confessing an age old secret. He choked on this, taking it in bit by bit. It was getting darker and colder, it felt like death or worse to be told this secret. Remus had feelings for him in life? The only memories he had of himself were that of a boyhood bully, undeserving of the love of this obviously pure creature. A teacher, he was now. It gave the image of the deep boy again, yet he was older. Lines of life's pains covered his face, and the shimmering eyes were dulled some. This was the Remus of current. A werewolf trying to survive in a harsh world.
“Werewolf,” he said aloud. “Where is my head getting these random facts?!? What can you tell me? I just need to know...”
The words were muffled, indistinct, but Remus recognized them. Being a werewolf, his senses of hearing improved with age. “I just need to know...” were the words groaned out, from the patients bed.
Remus felt his heart leap into his throat. Severus had spoken, and he had heard it. “Maybe there is hope for you,” he said in a dull, faithless voice. He wasn't counting on it.
“Need to know...” groaned the unconscious man softly. “Please, Remus, tell me what I'm going through.”
“You know I'm here?” Remus asked, tears starting up again in an endless stream. How could this be happening to him? What sort of fate was playing with him right now? He touched a trembling hand to the man's forehead. “You know I'm speaking to you?”
The shock he felt when Remus addressed him was beyond anything he'd ever felt. He felt empowered, like his desperate pleas were finally getting through to the other side- life or whatever it was. The images of this Remus grew stronger and stronger. He was a werewolf, he'd lost a lot of people in life, he dealt with a lot of pain. He knew that he as a person had begun to feel for Remus months ago.
“Of course I do,” he moaned, feeling the chilly darkness even more than before. “I've felt you all along. I've known you were here...”
“What?” the solid voice said. It no longer was fading in and out. “You've been okay? Please come to me...”
“I can't!” he cried, trying to obey the voices commands. He felt breathless, if he was breathing at all, as he strived to find the person speaking. “Where are you?”
“Where are you?” Severus asked tossing violently. He was shaking so violently now, that Remus wanted to hold him and stop the tremors. He was hurting, but undoubtedly living and speaking. They'd told him he was going to die, but they were wrong. Remus's faith had finally paid off, and he was going to live.
“I'm right here, beside you...” Remus muttered. “Please, fight this. You've been gone from me so long....”
The child like voice he heard was not that of the strong man he'd heard before. He was hurting badly. “I want out of here,” he told Remus. “I'm trying.”
He closed his eyes and envisioned the beautiful boy, the wise man. He put every fact his wandering mind would allow him into his head. Remus Lupin. Remus was a werewolf, a werewolf that terrified him for years. He'd tortured Remus at school, because he was jealous. Jealous of Remus's perfect friends, perfect boyfriend, and loving family. He'd been jealous.
They'd grown up out of contact. Only briefly seeing each other, once in a fateful battle of good versus evil. He shuddered, realizing he'd been on the side of evil. They'd taken him from the evil, though. Remus had brought him back to good. He himself had been grieving because said boyfriend was supposed evil, having killed everything Remus lived for. So Remus had lived for the evil man for awhile, turning him back to good.
Then they'd separated, due to his own harsh words of unkindness to Remus. Then they'd met up again, teachers at a school. Fighting, one the figure of goodness to students, the other the annoying and vicious Professor.
Remus had been reunited with his boyfriend, together finally, both innocents fighting for the side of good. Jealously had ruled his emotions for months. Until Sirius Black died, leaving Remus a grieving mess. He had offered no comfort, as was his way, but had stopped to give more than the nessicary rude comments. He had saved Remus, whom he loved and hated to see hurting.
He loved Remus.
“I have to leave!” he yelled, picking up speed and running. He hadn't even known he was standing. He rushed and rushed, away from the darkness, into a pale amber colored light. He rushed toward the light, admiring it's brown gold light. He hurried so fast to it, that he barely noticed when the beams of light that beckoned him turned out to be two amber eyes.
Then, Severus sat up in bed. His jolt nearly gave the frail Remus a heart attack. “Remus,” he gasped out, his voice sore and unused. His whole body soon felt the pain of being the same way, hurt and long forgotten. Yet, at the moment he was stunned at Remus sitting there, too stunned to be hurt. He wanted to reach out, but realized the man before him was in a state of shock.
“Remus,” Severus whispered, his voice still sounding dead and thick. “I'm sorry...”
Remus looked at him, then began sobbing. He couldn't help the emotions he was feeling, as he slumped out of his chair and on to the floor. “You're not real-” Remus said harshly. “You... you ... haven't come back to me. It's not true. I won't be fooled again.”
He was calm to Remus's hysterical behavior. “I am here, and I believe that I am real,” he said slowly, “even though my recent experiences speak differently. Now get off of the floor.”
Remus slowly rose, falling helpless to the calm sensibility of the man before him. “How can you be alive?” Remus asked. “Everyone kept telling me to give up, to let you die.”
“I find you more of a man of faith, Remus,” Severus replied, smiling only slightly. He now understood what his visions have meant. “I was gone for a long time, alone and cold inside of a dark place. Yet, I am back, a changed man.”
“What happened?” Remus asked, standing close to him, touching a hand to him.
“I'm real, I've already told you that much,” he replied harshly, batting away the hand. “I've been lost for a long time now, looking for something. I had nothing, not even a memory to withstand it by. I only had a name. Your name.”
“I cannot believe that you are here and well,” Remus said softly, looking as though he prayed while he spoke.
“Neither can I Remus. I had a lot of memories back there, in that place. Dark memories of my past, our past. I hated myself back then. Can you forgive me for the times I've hurt you? My time in the dark land has made me realize how much you've hurt... and how much of the hurt I'd caused.”
“There isn't a thing to forgive,” Remus said quickly, taking the other man by the hand. “Nothing to forgive... I heal very quickly. I thought- oh I thought you were going to die. You're my only hope left in this world.”
“You are indeed everything, or my journey would not have focused on you. You've lost so much, Remus, it is about time your faith paid off... instead of hindered you.”
Remus Lupin remembered that day for the rest of his life, as the day that faith paid off.