Title: With My Last Breath
by Black Onyx Angel http://www.fanfiction.net/~blackonyxangel
beta’d by Kristofer http://www.greatestjournal.com/users/kristofer
A/N: For the Master and Wolf FQF.
Warnings: Grab tissues, I am so dead serious. This is sad!!! You’re been warned.
Challenge Response: 63) Trapped somewhere with a seriously injured Severus, how might Remus keep him connected to the living and what last confessions might Sev make? Can be a character death if you want.
Disclaimer: Hp and Evanescence are not mine.


This can’t be happening. It just can’t be. There has to be a way out of here.

But I know there’s not. I’ve already been all over this cave system. We’re trapped, and no one knows where we are.

Well, no one who would want to save us. Kill us, maybe, but not save us.

You’d think we’d be able to Apparate, but Severus is too badly wounded, and I wouldn’t be able to find this place once I left, it’s too far from the full moon to be able to track it down. I wish I at least had my wand, or that he had his, but we don’t, they were lost in our escape. I can’t heal him. I can’t even take away his pain.

Hold on to me love
You know I can’t stay long
All I want to say is I love you
And I’m not afraid (Ahhh)
Can you hear me?
Can you feel me in your arms?

I go back and kneel by Severus. He’s been drifting in and out for the past three hours. Blood loss and fever will do that to a person.

He looks at me, his eyes slightly glazed, but at least he’s lucid.

I hope.

“Talk to me.”

“Severus?” I’m not sure I heard him right.

He licks his lips, trying to moisten them. “Talk to me. Tell me, tell me about you, about Sirius, anything. Just talk to me.”

Holding my last breath
Safe inside myself
Are all my thoughts of you?
Sweet raptured light
It ends here tonight

And I think I know where this is going, but I don’t want to believe it, I really don’t.

But I start talking. I tell him about my parents. I tell him how I became a werewolf. I told him about Sirius. I told him a lot, and I don’t even remember any of it any more.

Finally, I run out of things to say.

But, he asks me a question. “What is it like?”

“What is what like?”


I miss the winter
A world of fragile things
Look for me in the white forest
Hiding in a hollowed tree
(Come and find me)
I know you hear me
I can taste it in your tears

Did I tell him? Yes, yes I did. I hadn’t realized.

“It’s like... everything, and nothing.” I sigh. “There’s no real way to define it. Right now, love hurts. I remember though, it didn’t always hurt. I know it didn’t, but I don’t remember what it felt like.”

It’s been almost a year since Sirius fell behind the veil. And it hurts to think about him still. But is it love that’s causing the pain?

Holding my last breath
Safe inside myself
Are all my thought of you?
Sweet raptured light
It ends here tonight

Or is it my heart breaking all over again, because the man I’ve come to love and care for, is dying, and there’s not a damn thing I can do about it?

“It hurts?”

“Yes. It hurts a lot when the person you love dies.”

“Then is it really love that hurts?”

I open my mouth to say ‘yes, it is’, but the words don’t come out. I close my mouth, thinking. “No, the heart hurts. But, I guess, I said love hurts because it’s hard to tell the difference between the two.”

Closing your eyes to disappear
You pray your dreams will leave you here
But still you wait to know the truth
No one’s there

I see him shiver, and I frown. Is he going in to shock? “Severus?”


He’s not lucid. And, yes, I think he slipped into shock.

I know he must be cold, so I lay down beside him and pull him to me, trying to make him warm, trying to keep him alive.

My attempts are futile, and I know it. Unless we’re found soon, Severus won’t make it.

“I’m sorry.”

Sacred night
Don’t be afraid
Calling me
Calling me
As you fade to black

I look at him. “What for?”

Lucidity seems to come and go as he tries to put together an answer.

“What are you sorry for,” I ask gently, trying to coax an answer out of him.

“For never telling you.”

“For never telling me what?”


I shake him softly, and watch as the glaze fades slightly. “For never telling me what, Severus?”

(Sacred night)
Holding my last breath
(Don’t be afraid)
Safe inside myself
(calling me)
Are all my thoughts of you?
Sweet raptured light
It ends here tonight

“That I loved you. That I love you.”

I can feel it, my heart is shattering in to little pieces. I wonder if he can hear it, because he’s placing his hand against my cheek. He’s brushing away my tears with his fingers.

God, how I wish he hadn’t told me that, not now, not when I know he’s not going to make it. I don’t think I’m going to survive either, because I know. I know that I love him too. And, oh, how I wish I didn’t, because then maybe I would have been able to avoid this pain. This gut wrenching pain.


All he had to do, was say my name, and I’m crying like a baby. He’s never said my name like that before. He’s never looked at me like he is now, and he never will again. “God, Severus. I love you too.” I bury my face in his hair. “Please don’t leave me now, please don’t.”

Even as I plead, I know. I know he’s already slipping. He’s slipping away from me, and I can’t hold on to him any more.

(Holding my last breath
Safe inside myself
Are all my thoughts of you?
Sweet raptured light
It ends here tonight)

“Don’t leave me.”

I look at him.

He licks his lips again. “I don’t want to be alone. Don’t leave me to die alone.”

I shake my head. How could he think I’d leave him to die alone? “I won’t, Severus, I won’t leave. I’ll be here, I’ll stay here with you.”

Lucidity fades as his eyes un-focus. “I’m so cold. So cold. Remus?”

I pull him tighter to me. “I’m here, Sev, I’m here.”

He smiles slightly, and with his last breath, he spoke. “I’m going home, Remus. I love you.”

“I know, Severus. I love you too.”

It was a gradual thing. His eyes closed, and he stopped breathing. His hand left my cheek, and his heart stopped beating.

I cradled him to me, rocking back and forth as the tears continued falling from my eyes and landing in his hair.

(Holding my last breath)
I look up as someone says my name.

My eyes meet emerald green. Harry? It must be, because the scar is there as well. And I start talking, I know I do, but I don’t know what I’m saying. I can’t hear what I’m saying and I can’t hear what he’s saying. My vision is blurry and I can only guess that I’m being blinded by my own tears.

Then I’m numb. There’s no more feeling. My heart doesn’t even hurt. But I know, deep inside, I know. Love has died.


A/N: Holy shit. I can’t believe I just did that... I killed my favorite character and I just made Kris cry. And I’m misty eyed. I’ve never done that before. I’ve never made myself come so close to crying. Please, give me something in ways of feedback, please...