Title: Be Careful What You Ask For
Author: Bell Witch
Rating/Warnings: Adult Material, language. Repetitiveness, deliberately clichéd, and blatant OOC-ness, especially in Part 3. Author's note(s) included in story. Not even vaguely serious.
Disclaimer: I own nothing. JK Rowling owns almost everything. This is for fun: no money is being made or paid.
Summary/Challenge: For the fourth wave of challenges at the Master and the Wolf website. Challenge 108) it becomes unsafe for Remus Lupin to leave number 12, Grimmauld Place, and Severus Snape is conscripted into bringing him supplies and the Wolfsbane Potion. Over time, Remus' 'wolf' begins to regard Severus as his pack leader. One day, Severus is shocked when Remus obeys a sarcastic order.
Notes: Written pre-HBP, so non-canon compliant with that. Thanks to Junediamanti for the beta work. How she finds time to do all she has to do, I'll never know. The fanfiction writer known as Seeker--I think her website name is funny (I like it), and she does write a lot of stories featuring Snape. This is the first time I've been in HP fandom when a new book has come out. My original Fourth Wave story was not far enough along due to writer's block, and this is the replacement. Originally intended to be a second (backup) entry in this wave. Like I said, this is not even vaguely serious.
28 July 2005

One: The Story *****

Severus Snape placed the last of the supplies on the kitchen table. Well, there was one more item--Lupin's Wolfsbane Potion. He kept that safely in an inner pocket of his robes so as not to chance it breaking among the other supplies. It wouldn't have mattered much to Snape if it did break, but Professor Dumbledore would be disappointed in him if Lupin's potion was somehow lost. Snape wanted to remain in Dumbledore's good graces, even if he had to help Remus Lupin to do it.

Where was Lupin, anyway? He knew that Snape was coming by to drop off supplies. Usually, he'd be in the kitchen waiting and getting in Snape's way. That would happen eventually: Severus knew better than to hope that he'd be left alone by the lonely man stuck here in Black's old home. He had hoped that the Order of the Phoenix would find a new place to meet after the death of Sirius Black, but life didn't work that way. Grimmauld Place was out-of-the-way and made a good place to hide, true, but it was inconvenient to have to Apparate there and back to Hogwarts when the Order met. In Severus' case, he'd often have to go there after meetings with Lord Voldemort. When the Dark Lord chose to test his followers using the Cruciatus Curse, Apparating so many times was tiring. He had a guestroom at the Black house for him to use on these occasions. How pathetic, being a regular guest in the home of a man he'd hated for years.

Now that Black was dead, Remus Lupin lived at Number 12. This was no better than having to deal with Black himself: it was worse, since Lupin needed the Wolfsbane Potion that only Severus could provide. He had not been forced to deliver supplies to the Order's headquarters prior to Black's demise, but now Dumbledore had him here once a week or more--if the potion was required.

It was tedious dealing with Lupin. He was so obsequiously polite, even when Severus was at his most vicious. He never complained when Severus had to stay over, or anyone else for that matter. He could see that Lupin was lonely in the big house--he just didn't care. After Order meetings, Molly Weasley would often stay over and things weren't so bad because Lupin would talk with Molly and leave him be. The times he had to stay here with just Lupin were terrible. Couldn't the man see he wanted to be left alone? No, he didn't want tea, or coffee, or bloody hot chocolate. Lupin had suggested that only once, and it had earned him one of Snape's patented glares--the sort that older students warned first years about, and which had the little idiots cringing before they'd had their first Potions lesson.

If Lupin offered firewhisky, he just might accept. Although not if he had to sit there and talk with Lupin while he drank it.

Where was he? Snape growled inwardly and decided it might be best if he put away the more perishable items. That done, he sat in the corner chair with his back to the wall and began to read. Damn if he was going to search out the werewolf. True, it was very unusual for Lupin to shun any sort of visitor like this. He had been in forced hiding here for several months now, ever since Snape had informed Albus that Lord Voldemort was specifically seeking out the last of the Marauders. Peter Pettigrew reminded his Master that his old friend was a werewolf and Voldemort had been intrigued. Werewolf blood was a powerful magical ingredient, and having a source of it was worth looking into. Even Black's old house elf was gone from this place: Kreacher went to serve Narcissa Malfoy. Too bad the bastard hadn't taken the picture of that hag Mrs. Black with him. With Sirius gone, she was quieter, but some visitors were enough to draw her out. Severus was one of these.

"Blood traitor!" She screamed almost every time he came in. "Betrayer! Deceiver!"

He ignored her, as much as one can ignore a voice condemning you at the top of its painted lungs. He would read for another half-hour or so, then go take a bath. No, he'd take a bath and then read. Lupin knew he was coming, and had known that he was staying overnight. There were things he needed in Diagon Alley, so why go back to Hogwarts tonight and then return to London in the morning? No use to tell Dumbledore that he'd rather sleep in his own bed; the old man thought Lupin could use the company overnight.

Was Dumbledore completely barking mad, sending Severus to keep Remus Lupin company? He'd been tired lately, yes, but Apparating to Hogsmeade wasn't that difficult, nor was the walk back to Hogwarts overly long. No, it was winter, and the Headmaster felt that he should stay overnight in London. All right, but he wasn't going out of his way to be social with the mangy cur.

"Shut up, old woman," Severus ordered Mrs. Black's portrait as he went to the staircase. "I'm in no mood to deal with you, unless you'd like to be burnt where you hang."


It was painfully cold in his room. He pointed his wand at the fireplace before realising there was no wood to light. That was unusual. Perhaps Lupin didn't know he was coming. Impossible--he had to take the Wolfsbane. Perhaps Lupin's good humour had finally lost out to common sense and he wasn't going to treat Snape like a welcome guest. Snape snorted--he was just as happy to be left alone, and he could get his own firewood. He set the bath to run and went to the woodbin at the end of the hall.

He had just levitated a good number of logs and sent them towards his room when he heard a door open. Lupin poked his mussed head out, blinking away sleep.

"Severus? What are you doing here?"

"What does it look like I'm doing?"

"I'm sorry. I haven't prepared your room yet. I seem to have fallen asleep."

"I never would have noticed."

"Sorry." Lupin shook his head in an attempt to clear it. As usual, he ignored the sarcasm. Then again, maybe he didn't even notice it. "Was there anything you needed? Tea?"

"Firewood. I took care of it myself. Your groceries have been put away. There are a number of letters for you down in the kitchen, as well as your Wolfsbane."

"You didn't need to put away my groceries."

"Even in winter, meat has been known to rot, Lupin. They needed to be put away."

"Right. Sorry. Thank you for bringing everything, and for putting it away. Can I get you anything?"

"No-the wood is taken care of. I was going to take a bath and read before going to bed. I will be going to Diagon Alley first thing in the morning, then returning to Hogwarts."

"Oh." Lupin looked oddly disappointed. Did he think Severus was here to make a social call?

"You should take your potion."

"Of course." He tied the belt of his robe. It had been Sirius', and didn't fit properly. He stopped in the doorway to Snape's room. "I really do appreciate your help with everything, including the potion. Are you sure there's nothing I can do for you?"

"You can leave me alone."

"But I want to do something to thank you. Please let me."

How annoying. He had to say something, or Lupin would never shut up. He just wanted to take a hot bath and read--was that too much to ask? An absolutely ridiculous idea came to mind.

"I prefer to be left to my own devices, as you well know. In the event that this is not possible, then why don't you hide me away in your rooms and ravish me all night long? Go take your potion, Lupin."

"Right," Remus said, expressionless. As irritated as he was, Severus was surprised that he didn't slam the door in Lupin's face. He had to admit that Remus wasn't usually so dense, but reckoned that the eccentric behaviour was a result of being woken from a sound sleep. Or perhaps it was because the full moon was in three nights. He didn't care, as long as he was left alone. Still, he would have thought there would be some sort of reaction to his ludicrous statement. At least he could take his bath in peace now. He sent some of the logs to the fireplace and the rest to the metal bin next to it. An 'Incendio' got it going nicely, and he placed his wand on the table next to his book before hanging his robes and going into the bathroom.

He basked in the steam as he removed his layers of clothing. His back ached from bending over cauldrons all day and he was looking forward to a long soak. Maybe he should bring his book into the bathroom. It had been a long time since he'd read in the bath, but why shouldn't he do so if he wanted? Yes, he'd get the book.

The fire was roaring, and his room would be pleasantly warm by the time he was finished with the bath. He grabbed the small volume and padded back across the rug, stopping abruptly as the hall door opened.

"What are you doing in my room, Lupin?" Severus pulled himself into his usual aggressive stance before realising he had no clothes on. That caused him to flush slightly, but Lupin didn't appear to notice his nudity--he seemed to be waiting for something. The hall door was still open, and Severus was getting cold. The steam poured enticingly out of the bathroom, and he moved toward it. Let Lupin stand here if he wanted, Severus was going to go into the bathroom and lock the door.

Lupin was on him before he took a step, taking his arm and pulling Severus toward the hall.

"Lupin! Are you out of what remains of your mind?" He tried to pull away, but the smaller man's grip was firm. "Let go of my arm."

"You have to come with me."

"Why? In case you hadn't noticed, I was about to take a bath."

"That's why you're not wearing anything?"

Severus was aghast. Maybe Lupin had gone mad from being locked up in this house all alone or come upon a cursed object. Something was definitely wrong.

"No, I always walk around like this! Now let go and leave me alone."

Astonishingly enough, Lupin let go.

"You told me to go take my potion. I took it."

"Wonderful. Now get out."

"No. You have to come with me."

Enraged, Severus grabbed Lupin's shoulders and pushed. "No! I am not wearing anything, I'm freezing, and I'm not going anywhere." He gave another shove, hoping to get the other man into the hallway so he could close the door. Lupin backed up easily enough, but before Snape could shut him out, the other man had snaked out an arm and pulled Severus after him into the even colder hallway.

Severus hissed as his bare feet hit the cold wooden floor. Lupin stared at him with a look of great concern. Rapidly, he removed the thick robe and threw it over Severus, wrapping the belt around and tying it tightly at roughly waist level.

"My arms are supposed to go in the sleeves, you idiot. Where are we going?"

"My room."

"What for?"

Lupin gave another blank look, like Severus was the stupid one.

"Lupin, are you under a spell? Your behaviour is erratic. If I even thought you were in your right mind, the Cruciatus Curse would be the least of your worries."

"Don't be ridiculous, Severus, you aren't going to curse me." That was better--Lupin's voice didn't sound so airy or disconnected. He sounded normal. "I'm just doing what you told me to."

"I told you to take your potion. You took it. I also asked you to leave me alone, but you don't seem to be listening to that."

"I just wanted to thank you. Leaving you alone isn't possible, so I'm just doing what you wanted."

Oh, hell.

"Don't you understand sarcasm, you twit?"

The hallway wasn't that long, and before he knew it, Lupin had dragged Severus to the door of his room. Panicked, he tried to pull his arms out from under the robe's belt. He got one pulled free and untangled as he was pulled inside the bedroom. At least it was warmer in here.

What was he thinking? Maybe being in this house drove all sense right out of people's heads. He used his free hand to work at the knot on the robe. It came undone. Unfortunately, this caused the robe to drop to the floor in a puddle around Severus' feet.

"You're too thin, Severus. You should eat more."

Wonderful! Mad as Sirius Black, maternal as Molly Weasley. "Stay away from me, I didn't mean what I said...oof!" In trying to step backward, a foot had caught on the robe and Severus fell to the floor. At least there was a rug.

Remus stood over him. "I just want to do something for you, that's all. Let me do this."

"You're mad," Severus inched across the floor. He couldn't stand without ending up in Lupin's arms, and he didn't want to turn away. He had no choice. He turned and tried to rise quickly, but Lupin hooked one arm around his waist and hauled him up easily.

"You're cold. Let me warm you up." The embrace tightened, with Severus flinching when Remus started to nuzzle under his ear. He was turned so the two men were face to face and all that separated them was a pair of flannel pyjamas.

"Let me go or..." hungry lips stopped the rest of the sentence and Lupin's tongue seemed to be trying to push the words 'I'm going to kill you' back down his throat. He was warmer now, much warmer. Lupin's body was like a furnace and the soft, thick fabric rubbed against him until he was nearly aflame himself. By the time Lupin broke the kiss, Severus was gasping for air. When he felt the bed behind him, he sat down without thinking. The action was rewarded with a toothy smile and then Lupin had Snape pinned down and was snogging him like he was born to do it. TBC...

Two: The Outline Version

Severus arrives at Grimmauld Place, where Lupin has been staying since Sirius Black's death. Snape is staying overnight (Dumbledore's orders) because he has to go to Diagon Alley in the morning. Lupin is not downstairs as he should be, but Snape doesn't care. He ends up going to the room set aside for him without seeing Remus at all. [Snape has a room because he sometimes has to stay after Order meetings--too tired to Apparate/walk to Hogwarts from Hogsmeade.]

Snape's room is not ready. It's winter and there's no firewood. He sees Lupin as he's getting the wood. Lupin is groggy and not himself. [Why? Plot hole.] Wants to know if he can help Snape. Snape says no, but Remus insists. Snape ends up saying something sarcastic and suggestive, also ordering Lupin to take his Wolfsbane (downstairs.) Lupin obeys the orders, starting with the potion.

Snape, back in his room, starts fire. Prepares bath. [Reading in bath?] Has to leave bathroom to get his book. Remus comes in while Severus is getting the book. Remus doesn't notice that Severus is naked. Insists that Snape come with him. [Where is Snape's wand?]

To Remus' room, where Severus figures out that Remus is, for some reason, following his sarcastic order. [Again, why? Snape would not be pack leader, that would be Albus. Snape and Remus are not even friends, never were, nor were they in the same House at school. Is it because Remus considers Severus the more important member of the Order? Superior faculty when at Hogwarts? Plot hole.]

Gratuitous smut?

Three: The Comedy

Severus Snape entered Number 12 Grimmauld Place with a slight feeling of dread. Having just glanced up at the headers to this story, he realised that the name of the writer wasn't immediately recognizable. This in itself wasn't necessarily cause for worry, but Snape was really paranoid. At least it wasn't Seeker--any writer who called their website "Seeker's Sex Space" and wrote large numbers of stories featuring Severus Snape was something to be concerned about.

This was a nonspecific sense of foreboding. In his experience, the devil you knew was often better than the devil you didn't. Actually, that wasn't true. Being the central character in fanfics often really sucked, no matter who wrote the damn things.

Ever since "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix" came out, he'd had a good bit more sympathy, but now that these people had a glimpse of his past, they kept imagining his childhood was so much worse than it actually had been that he had to wonder. If these authors were actual fans of his character, then he'd rather go back to being the greasy git. Being popular among this sort had gotten him into more trouble than he could have ever found on his own. Since he'd managed to join up with the Death Eaters without their help, that was saying something.

What had he been thinking? Oh yeah, he'd been really drunk.

Cautiously, Snape went into the kitchen with Lupin's supplies. He had no idea where the werewolf was hiding, but considering that Dumbledore was the one who had ordered him to make this delivery, and that he had to stay overnight here with only Remus Lupin for company, he held out little hope that he'd come away unscathed. Why Dumbledore kept throwing him together with one of his old school enemies was beyond Snape's understanding. Lupin might be a more realistic choice than Potter, but it's not like there was any basis in Rowling's books for any sort of intimate relationship with the former Marauder.

How fair was it that his old Gryffindor nemeses all got to go by the nickname 'Marauder', even that loser Peter Pettigrew? Snape's common pet names were 'greasy git', 'sarcastic bastard', and the actual canon 'Snivellus'. If these idiots had to refer to him by something other than his actual name or a convenient pronoun, then he preferred 'Potions master', thank you very much. Then again, 'Slytherin Sex God' wasn't so bad, however inaccurate.

Lupin hadn't shown up yet. Snape would have been fine with this, but considering that it was the middle of winter and really blasted cold here, all he wanted to do was have a nice, hot soak in the tub and read his book. No way could he get that lucky.

Screw this; if he had to wait for the other shoe to drop, then he was going to be comfortable while he did it. Putting the groceries away in an uncharacteristic fit of generosity, Snape wandered upstairs. He really didn't care if Lupin got food poisoning, but maybe his little bit of kindness would buy him a small amount of laxity from the writer later on. Whoever it was used the Thesaurus feature way too much for his liking. Maybe he shouldn't have thought that--there went any leniency right down the toilet. Since he was screwed anyway, he spared a thought that the writer must also be American, considering the terminology she was using. It figured.

He flipped off the portrait of Mrs. Black hiding behind its curtain. Now that the last of the family were dead--with the known exceptions of Sirius' cousins Bellatrix Lestrange and Narcissa Malfoy--you'd think someone would have gotten rid of that damn thing, permanent sticking charm or no. If the harridan had been his mother, he'd have burned her by now and listened to that screaming with a smile on his face.

Aw hell, the fire wasn't laid and there was no wood in the bin. What was Lupin doing? Hadn't Dumbledore warned him that Severus was going to be staying over? Then again, maybe he had and Lupin finally decided to treat Severus with the same rudeness that Snape treated him. That was probably it. He'd get his own damn wood.

Hell again...in the first version of the story, there had been a stockpile of logs at the end of the hall. In this version, he had to go down to the cellar bin. Maybe he would find out some mysterious secret about his old enemy Sirius or a clue that pointed to Lupin's being abducted by Death Eaters. Or he could simply haul up a bunch of wood from the cellar. Or use a levitation spell. Whatever.

Back in his guestroom, Snape magically lit the fire. Mentally smacking himself, he went back in time (for story purposes only) and made sure he'd started to run his bath before going down to get the firewood. Now he wouldn't have to wait--the tub would be full by the time he'd gotten undressed. Considering how many buttons were on his damn movieverse clothes, he probably could have waited to run that bath. He got his wand from the bedside table and re-heated the water to its previous steaming state. After he returned it he swore. Since he'd been out there anyway, why hadn't he brought his book in here?

Furtively, he left the warmth of the bathroom again. It was starting to warm up in the bedroom, but it was still cold enough to be uncomfortable when running around with no clothes on, especially considering how little body fat Snape had. Yoink! He grabbed the book and began his strategic withdrawal to the safety of the bath. No one would ever know his little secret...

"Argh! What the hell are you doing in here, Lupin? I was hosing off downstairs for twenty minutes, came up here, went back down and got firewood, and you show now, when I'm running around with no clothes on? And couldn't you bloody knock, or something?"

"Sorry," Remus said blankly. "I'm not acting like myself any more than you're acting like yourself, so quit your bitching."

"Bitching? What does that mean?"

"Complaining. You ought to know, since you do enough of it."


Remus smirked. "That's a nice response there. Can't think of anything to say?"

"If the writer doesn't give me any lines, then what am I supposed to do?"

"Yeah, I suppose you're pretty much screwed, then. Speaking of screwed..." Remus advanced on the nude man before him. Severus panicked and tried to cover his groin with the book in his hand. This was, of course, a bad idea, as it drew Remus' eye to the book itself. (Hey, this is one of those stories. Remus is doing his best attempt at X-ray vision. He's failing, but he's just learned Snape's dirty little secret.) Remus burst out laughing. Pretty soon, he was rolling on the floor and tears were running from the corners of his eyes.

"I can't believe it! Omigawd! Wait'll I tell Tonks about this. No, wait until I tell the Golden Trio--Ron will never let you live it down. He'll tell Fred and George, and the twins will probably put an ad in The Daily Prophet! Your reputation as the most terrifying professor at Hogwarts is finished." Having finished his little speech, Remus proceeded to laugh until he coughed while Severus, his lips pressed so tightly together they were in danger of fusing closed, returned his battered and much-beloved copy of "The Wind in the Willows" very carefully to the bedside table. He grabbed his wand and was preparing to curse Lupin with all three Unforgivables at once when the werewolf held up a placating hand.

"I won't tell anyone, I swear. I never would have expected you'd read anything Muggle, much less a children's book."

"My mother used to read it to me when I was a boy, if you must know. Just because I'm not attributed as possessing any human feelings at all doesn't mean I don't actually have any."

"People know you've got feelings, Severus. Your hate and bitterness are legendary. Wouldn't you like people to know that you've got a sweet, sensitive side to your personality as well?"


"That will be our secret, then." Remus smiled wickedly. "I'd mention that you've also got a really nice butt, although I think I'd like that to be kept private as well."

"Eep." Severus remembered that he didn't have any clothes on. No wonder he was feeling so chilled. Gathering his dignity about him, there not being much else for protection, he pointed his wand in Lupin's face. Remus waved it away.

"Geez, Snape, you'll take someone's eye out one day if you aren't careful with that stupid thing."

"Fine. I'll lower the wand if you get the hell away from me."

"Deal." Lupin backed towards the door with his hands in a placating gesture while Snape glared at him. He cautiously set his wand down and then went towards the bathroom.

"Shut the door behind you when you leave," he ordered.

Before he knew what was happening, Snape felt himself being grabbed around the middle and thrown over Lupin's shoulder. The werewolf held him behind the knees with his left hand, while his right rested possessively on one (really cold) butt cheek.

"Dammit, Lupin, you were supposed to leave!"

"No, you told me to get away from you. I did. You just didn't say how far."

"I hate you." Snape sounded so sullen that Remus had to laugh again.

"No, you don't. Deep down inside you want me."

"I do not."

"Then why did you tell me, and I quote, 'why don't you hide me away in your rooms and ravish me all night long?'"

"I never said anything like that!" Severus cried, horrified.

"You did so, back in the original story." Remus sounded terribly smug about the whole thing.

Severus scanned back in the text. His face fell. He had said...what Remus quoted. He really had to curb his sarcastic comments, as they seemed to cause more trouble than they were worth. The students didn't understand, for the most part, Dumbledore ignored them, and then there were moments like this.

"I didn't mean it!" Snape flailed his legs and pounded uselessly on Lupin's back as he was carried into the other man's bedroom. The actor playing Lupin in the movies might be taller than the actor playing Snape, but the real Snape had several centimetres on the real (uh, book) Lupin, and it was beyond embarrassing to be carried over his shoulder this way. At least he had a nice robe on. Snape's own bony shoulder would have been poking uncomfortably into Remus' guts had the positions been reversed.

"Give it a rest, Severus. If you check out the challenge, then you know that I see you as my Pack Leader and I have to do what you say. Look at the outline--you can see I'm right."

"I notice the little 'plot hole' line, too. If you have to do what I say, then why don't you listen when I tell you to get away or leave me alone?"

"I don't know," Remus said thoughtfully, dumping the pale figure off on the bed. "Another plot hole, maybe? Or it's a subliminal thing. Deep inside I must be attracted to you, so I'm willing to obey the order to have my wicked way with you. Obviously, you want me as well, or you wouldn't have come up with the idea. Either that, or you'd have found a way to get yourself out of this situation. Since you haven't, I'm assuming that this is what you really want."

"What I really want is to go back to my own room and take my bath."

"I can help with that."

"I'm capable of washing myself, Lupin."

"Maybe. I was going to do it with my tongue." Snape turned beet-red and made a really lame attempt to hide his growing erection.

"Oh. Erm...I'll be going now. Eep." What was going on here? Snape had never said anything as inarticulate as 'eep' before in his life, but this stupid writer had him saying it twice in one story. That, and she had him pinned to the bed of one randy werewolf--in human form, thank the lord for small favours--by the aforementioned randy werewolf.

"Forget about it, Severus. You wanted me to ravish you all night long, and I plan on doing that. Think about it, this is fanfic. Reality doesn't matter, nor does anatomy or any of that other stuff. Despite our ages and things like biology, we can boink like fuzzy little bunnies for hours. Don't you want to have multiple orgasms in record time? What about coming so hard you pass out? Doesn't that sound like fun to you?"

Severus thought about it, long and hard. (Sorry, I had to say that. Ok, I'm not sorry at all...) He wasn't quite sure how or when it happened, but at some point, Snape's eyes started to glitter like faceted jet. How long had it been since he'd got well and truly fucked through the mattress? Erm...never. Ok, since he'd got laid? Too damn long, what with living in a school where almost everyone was underage and the other staff members were rather unappealing. (Forgetting about Gilderoy Lockhart, who was only attractive until he started to talk, and what kind of ponce had lilac for a favourite colour? There was nothing wrong with sleeping with other men, but Snape drew the line at acting like a total candyass.) And the Death Eaters, for all the legends about orgies and things like that, were really just a bunch of boring old sods who were power-mad and never going to get anywhere under the thumb of old Moldyvort. Total yawnsville.

"From the look on your face, I do believe you've come to a decision."

"I have. But before we start this, Lupin, there are a couple of rules."

"I'm listening."

"Number one--you promised multiple orgasms, and I'm going to hold you to that. I do mean multiple orgasms for me, not just you."

"I can live with that. What else?"

"No pain, no spanking, and no bondage. Well, not right away. Maybe later. You will use adequate lubrication, either physical or magical. You will never, ever refer to me as a 'fuzzy bunny' again, either. Also, no tickling, and I mean it. No metal rings or anything else for that matter will be secured around my anatomy. If you try any of that, I'll rip your balls off. If you want to wear the stuff, that's your business, but I won't even consider it, so don't ask. Also, I'm not really capable of doing the deep throat stuff. If you want oral sex, that's fine, but pushing in too far triggers my gag reflex, sorry. I do swallow, though, if you will."

"I suppose that's all reasonable."

"One more thing...maybe I said we could do this all night long, but in reality, I need some sleep. I have errands to run tomorrow, things to get in Diagon Alley and all that. We finish up by, say, three o'clock?"

Remus pouted.

"Oh, for cryin' out loud, Lupin, it isn't even nine yet. Surely six hours is plenty of time for whatever you've got planned."

"I was sort of winging it, actually. I guess I can handle that. Think you'll want to top at all?"

"Probably not. Before you started all of this, I was just going to take a hot bath and read before going to sleep. You want to have sex all night, you can do all the work."

"That's fair. I'll even make breakfast in the morning if you promise to stop by for a quickie when you're done shopping. You can Apparate from here."

"I'll think about it. I do need to be able to walk, you know."

"I'll be gentle."

Snape rolled his eyes. "That's what they all say."

"Unless you don't want me to be."

"That's more like it." Snape stared at Lupin for a minute.


"Well? Get on with it, man. You've made some extravagant promises, and I'm waiting. Give me a good snog, then get naked and make me mad for it."

"Since you asked so nicely..."